Every word you've written, Raffles, echo everything that runs through my mind too. So little do the cares of the carer seem to be taken into account, not least their own discomforts.

I hope it helps you to know that here, at least, are people who can understand and sympathise. My friend and I, both caring for husbands who no longer resemble the men/boys we married,share what we like to call our grizzles. It doesn't overburden our families, and we feel better for it.

No solutions here, bar try to rest(haha, hollow laughter, I know)but here's a big hug((((((o)))))) Hope you feel a bit better knowing we understand.

grass


Raffles, you get three hours off once a week so you shouldn't grumble? Come on girl, that leaves a hell of a lot of hours 'on duty'. My husband goes to a day centre twice a week but I still get thoroughly stressed most of the rest of the time. Every single morning there's the battle to get dressed, then the battle of the pills. Every night there's the battle to get ready for bed, most nights there's the bathroom skirmish round about 4am. Obviously I try not to make it a battle as calmness and patience get better results but it always feels like a battle to me, even if I'm just battling with myself to stay calm.
Lovely that you've sorted out an evening out as well. That should be a good relaxation for you. A non-dementia world for a while. Big hug. Pross.x


I hope you feel a bit better letting off steam Talking point is great for that. My husband is the same, like walking on eggshells. Even when things are on an even keel I am still waiting for the next flare up.Sorry you are unwell yourself,I take myself off for a walk with the dog at least she doesn't answer back. Take care and I,m sure you will have plenty of support from others in the same boat


Raffles, I share all your problems, and sympathise, like the other angelic carers above. That's why TP is so good, because you know your problems and worries are shared and understood by those who walk the same weary path, day in, day out.:(

We went to my daughter's house today for dinner, and John was telling our 13 year old grand-daughter that he could remember when he took her to a football match and she screamed so loudly every time (some 1980s player) touched the ball.

I explained to John that this wasn't our grand-daughter, but her mum (our daughter) that he took, along with her siblings, but he wouldn't have it, and kept insisting he knew who he took and where.

I've devised a "code" with friends and family, that means whenever I say "my arm's itching" and I scratch it, that this means we should change the subject. So I duly rubbed my arm vigorously, and gave the coded phrase, and in spite of everyone talking about the weather, the news items, sport, and the cost of living, John just shouted over everyone. :(

We left shortly afterwards, and I had this the whole way home, and most of the evening. And who, but a saint, wouldn't be praying that the person they cared for, would shut up? Yes, it's true, that it's the illness rather than the person who is resented, but after a tiring day, it's damned hard to differentiate between the two, isn't it?

I'm 66 and I get worn out, both physically and mentally, so goodness knows how you feel. My husband goes to a club a couple of times a week for a few hours, and I yearn for those precious hours. You enjoy yourself when you can Raffles, because you deserve it.:)

Scarlett123 xx